Thursday, June 5, 2014

Results of Self Reflection

Have you ever been confused, bewildered, unsure when it comes job your doing? Have you ever wondered what was it that your boss saw in you before he hired you? have you stood in the center of your office and wondered what are you doing here.... I have!


I have always figured that since I don't have too many responsibilities in my personal life, I do not need to be ambitious and I just need to earn money by fulfilling my agendas to the best of my ability, working hard, saving harder and travel. It makes the late nights, stress related targets, uncouth vendors, dealing with under-performing colleagues all worthwhile. Suddenly today it's not enough! Somethings shifted. Is it the planets? Maybe it's all the self reflecting I have been doing in my break!

I really admire people who stick to the same job for eons. They sail through the honey-moon period, suffer the mid-life crisis in silence and come out victorious as they crossed the loyalty mark in a company. What makes them remain loyal, continuously prove themselves and remain motivated till the end. I had a colleague "Rama" in FabIndia, who had completed her MBA and was working as a "merchandiser" a very fancy title for meeting and greeting customers on the floor level and making sure stocks are filled in the shelves. She was there when I joined and she is still there 5 years later. Same branch, same role, same reporting manager, same chores so whats her motivation? How does she deal with the bumps?

Having been constantly in-between jobs, the process of searching, finding, interviews seem like an unavoidable process and logically it should come naturally to me. One of the most important thing that this entire process requires is Patience. not the perfect resume or your interview etiquette, but waiting for the "perfect" role, waiting for an interview call, waiting in the lobby, waiting for a reply, waiting waiting waiting.. it never ends.

It is the waiting that slowly eats up into your psyche, covers your confidence with questions like "what if",  and then wham! it you take a decision not based on rational thought, not based on professional "dream" not even based on your required growth, your decision most probably will be based on "what if I don't get anything else?"

After 8 jobs in 12 years I bought in the new year with a resolution to get serious about my career. I did a lot of reflecting during my 3  break, envisioning my self on where I want to be, the haze seems to be lifting of my foggy vision. I was clear that all the "floating" I did in the last 3 years had to stop. I realized I am as ambitious as the next person and I now needed to focus, needed to gather my energy together and decide on which path to follow, which profile to choose and what goal to focus on. So if I had to wait, I wait!

 Does this mean I will commit to the chosen company? Will i overcome the claustrophobic feeling that I get after  I don't know, but what I do know is that there is a path I need to follow to get to my vision and I need to make sure the road I choose has to lead there!!




Friday, May 16, 2014

Thoughts, inspiration and ideas

Most of my waking hours, snippets enter my heads and also exit in the same speed. Many a times I sigh and say they make a good starting point for a book I might write. ok maybe not a book but could it atleast be a screenplay? maybe a short story? one day!!

 Yesterday however I made a vow to my artist self that I will jot down however trivial a thought that comes to me. "Jot-down", "artist self", "book", "write" -For those who know me really well might be saying what now? These words are clues to tell you that I have started another project. I am attempting Julia Cameroon's The Artist's Way again. I completed it a long time ago like almost 10 years ago after teaming up with my friend Nishath and after that I have re-attempted the same many a times with many a friend, but was never successful. So why is this different? I can't answer that but I think time is favorable as well as there are a couple of people who represent the "team" but its so loosely woven that you are your own motivator! maybe good in a different sort of way.

I have always felt The methods in this book is spot on. The morning pages that sort your day into a productive one, the artists date that"force you to do something that seems exciting / trivial / or plain cliched. It was this book that bought about various changes consciously or unconsciously to what I hope into being a better person that I am today. Some of the obvious changes are:

- consciously ticking off my bucket list
- traveled consistently
- looked at whats important
- learnt to let go without anger
- pursued new activities like learning a language, learning a craft
- let go of people who were weights
- appreciated people who gave me wings
- valued friendship
- went the extra mile for people I care
- made more art
- willing to forgive and let go
- less materialistic and more sensitive to finance

So yesterday I was racking my brains as well a my mentors about this week's artist date. what do I do? what is everyone doing? inspire me people!!! Pratima sent me a couple of links, Shiwani suggested that we go to the same brand of stores in different branches and explore, Caro was strangely silent.. wonder what she is plotting? During all this I stumbled upon a website on how to respect ideas. It talked about
- don't assume that ideas will come just because its convenient to you
- respect ideas enough to write down / sketch / describe / draw for you to take it forward at a later time.
- Dont write-off an idea. it may come in handy 5 years later
- value your ideas every small one of them
- If its rubbish then its rubbish. accept that not all ideas are great

So back to my Vow I took, I will jot down every single, small idea that I get and see where it goes. So here I was today morning, overslept as usual and having just put my brush in my mouth I have my episodes of inspiration. I quickly drop the brush run out in search of a book and 20 minutes later I have what you call a story!!

Good Bad or ugly I have written 3 pages of maybe the most trivial story ever but its mine, written in the morning  between brushing my teeth and having a shower. Of course the idea stopped abruptly. I need to coax and woo my invisible artist but that's what the book will help me do anyways.

So Today as of now I am going to enjoy the feeling of being an author who had an inspiration and go to sleep with a smile.